Some time back, in great hopes of contributing to this blasted blog on a weekly basis, I sought out sayings that I found amusing. I pored through various websites that purported to have cultivated the best in witticisms. It’s fair to say they were inaccurate in their assertions. But I did manage to cull perhaps two dozen sayings that at least brought a smile to my face while allowing me to waste a good hour of time that could have been better spent writing on this blog.

Anyhow, it was my hope that collecting these sayings and putting them into a document would magically spark some sort of creative flame. But hope is foolish. And I should have known better. I labeled the document “Wednesday sayings” and proceeded to place it on my desktop where were it an apple or other perishable food item, it would have rotted months ago.

The thing is, I know damn well that’s not how creativity works. I’ve known it for quite some time now. A few decades, at least. Yet, I seem continually intent on trying to outsmart the wily muse. Plus, I cut way back on my drinking years ago and a dogged anxiety disorder prohibits me from ingesting caffeine or marijuana without unpleasant consequences. So what else do I have? But come now. Is this really the time to judge me? If you’re a creative type, admit it. You’re probably still engaged in the same futility from time to time. So why am I telling you all of this? Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe I’m a little nervous. It’s been a while since I walked out onto this stage. But here I am.

I guess this is my premiere. There will be no sequins. And I won’t be channeling my inner diva. She’s been out of commission since this whole virus thing started anyhow. Something about poor lighting and not enough spectators. I don’t know. One thing I do know is that the last six months have taught me a whole slew about meditation, intention, and gratitude – all three of which I practice with relish at least 71% of the time. (To be clear, I engage in these practices 100% of the time now. It’s the relish that comes in at 71%.) Thus, every Wednesday for the foreseeable future, it is my intention to sit down to meditate on one of those humorous sayings, write something that pertains to it, and feel gratitude that the whole process is over. Or something like that.

Now you may be asking, what’s with the whole Willy Wonka thing in the title? I mean, clearly I’m not Willy Wonka. The last six months would have been a lot more exciting, not to mention fictional, if I were. Nope. The Willy Wonka reference is actually part of the amusing saying that was at the top of my list today. The whole saying goes like this:

“I don’t sugarcoat shit. I’m not Willy Wonka.”

It’s a sentiment that’s close to my heart and one I’m considering embroidering on my pillow. So maybe you’re getting a sense of what’s to come in the next several weeks, months, years. But don’t be too presumptuous. Because if it weren’t so interminable and likely to result in carpal tunnel syndrome, I’d also embroider the following saying on my pillow:

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There’s nothing to it

There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination
Living there you’ll be free
If you truly wish to be

So no. I’m definitely not Willy Wonka. But sometimes I wish I were.

See you next week.