Category Archives: Think About It

Thrift Store Find

Any way you cut it, the vase was a true find.

Not that Katie was looking for a vase. She’d entered the thrift store on a mission to find a replacement carafe for their old coffeemaker, George. They didn’t make ’em like George anymore. Of course, she knew there were much better coffee pots on the market. Those that could be set to run themselves, to grind the beans, to maybe change your socks, if so inclined. But she loved George. His simplicity. His rustic charm. His smile. Yes. She believed that George smiled at her every morning. No. She knew it.

“Let’s see your fancy coffeemakers do that,” Katie said to her boyfriend each time George smiled. Her boyfriend rolled his eyes. She knew that he longed to banish George to a landfill. This was not a quality she liked in her boyfriend. Along with his overuse of the word ‘dude.’ There was a time and place.

She was having no luck finding a new carafe for George. Although she knew she would eventually, Katie was left momentarily bereft at this admission of failure. Thus, the vase.

It was ‘tall glass of water’ of a vase. Long and slender with smooth, beguiling shoulders. Even if you weren’t into shoulders, you couldn’t deny that this vase had a winning pair. Katie ran her fingers along the right shoulder and felt she may be bordering on violating it. Which was a weird thought. Even for her. She stared at it awhile, pulled in by its cerulean glaze that sent her adrift on an imaginary sea. She blinked a few times and then noticed there were patches of imperfections in spotted browns and greens that brought to mind algae growth. She touched it again.

“George would love you,” she said, if more to convince herself that she would need to bring it home. That way, if her boyfriend questioned her, she could throw George under the bus. She wasn’t above doing such a thing. Chances are, the dude wouldn’t even notice the vase. He wasn’t much of a noticer.

And so she purchased the vase and promptly named it Louise. Louise was only $11. A steal. Especially given Louise’s pedigree.

Louise had travelled only a short way before landing on this Goodwill shelf in East Texas. Her former gig was at the Parkerson Funeral Home, just six miles up the highway. There she had dutifully held a variety of flowers; mostly white lilies, blue hydrangea, and yellow roses. All flowers associated with death; though the yellow rose is also a Texas thing. Whatever the case, the journey to the funeral home had also not been a long one. The funeral home had actually been gifted Louise by an eccentric woman twenty years before who’d insisted that the funeral home was too drab and needed a spot of color. Unclear on the vibe most funeral homes were trying to achieve, she also suggested kerchiefs in every hue be draped over the lamps. The owners felt this gave it a boudoir feel that was wholly inappropriate for a funeral home. So she relented.

Now, how the eccentric woman came to acquire Louise is not entirely known. Sometimes objects travel on haphazard trajectories that defy reason or logic. The eccentric woman defied these as well. So perhaps it was kismet that brought them together. More than likely though, an older relative of the eccentric woman had had Louise in his/her possession before handing it off to her. One thing was known for certain. Louise was born in a small French town in the 1920s at the hands of a young ceramicist. And one of some repute, though no one at the Crockett Goodwill was familiar with her name. Thus, by the time Louise landed on that shelf and drew Katie’s attention, nobody knew of her true monetary value.

Nobody also knew that she’d been purchased by royalty at one point and held poppies and peonies in a palace. Or that she’d found her way to Poland in the hands of a trader, where she adorned the shelf of a small kitchen that smelled of boiled potatoes and sauerkraut and where the flowers she held softened the earthy, dirty foot scent of the cabbage. And certainly no one knew she had been smuggled out of Poland in the late 1930s with the family that fled to the United States.. just in time. Or that she would then settle in Teaneck, New Jersey, until a series of meandering events would land her in the eccentric woman’s home just outside Crockett in East Texas and then the Parkerson Funeral Home. Thus, when the eldest Parkerson passed, and none of the younger Parkersons wanted the too-morose family business, Louise ended up on a shelf at the Goodwill.

But Katie knew nothing of this. Nor did she care. The value of the Louise was apparent to her in her smooth lines, her soothing color, and just how delightful a sister she would be to George.

#44 – BREAKING: A New Candidate Enters the Ring

INTERVIEWER: Welcome back, everyone. I have the distinguished honor of being here today with rebel daisy who recently announced his candidacy for president of the United States. Welcome. Can I call you rebel?

rebel daisy: no. 

INTERVIEWER: Oh. Okay.

rebel daisy: my name is rebel daisy. like my father. and like his father before him. 

INTERVIEWER: Understood. Now, I see here that you’re running under the newly established Botanical Party ticket. Is that correct?

rebel daisy (totally chill): correctamundo.

INTERVIEWER: So tell me, what inspired you to run for president of the United States?

rebel daisy (staring blankly): you’re kidding. right?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah. (hanging head in shame): Yeah, I am. I mean, what a shit show, right?

rebel daisy (confused): hmmmmmm. you say shit show as though it’s a bad thing. 

INTERVIEWER: You don’t see it that way?

rebel daisy: i’m a flower. i love a good shit show. 

INTERVIEWER: Then you must be loving this current election! (laughs too hard at own joke.)

rebel daisy: well, i do now. because i’m running. and i’ll tell you what. all this shit is really fueling me. i’m going to beat them all. 

INTERVIEWER: I love your enthusiasm, but current polls have you coming in at about 1% of the vote. Political analysts say your chances are slim. 

rebel daisy (picking his teeth and kicking his army-booted stems up onto the table): political analysts. who the hell are they even to say?

INTERVIEWER: Well, I mean, it is their job to, um, analyze these things. 

rebel daisy (flipping the bird): tell them to analyze this.

INTERVIEWER (shifting uncomfortably): Okay then. So what makes you feel that you are uniquely qualified to run the country?

rebel daisy: firstly, i am much younger than the current candidates. 

INTERVIEWER: And how old are you, if you don’t mind my asking.

rebel daisy: four. 

INTERVIEWER: Hmmmmm (holding pencil to mouth and pausing to look serious in that interviewer sort of way). Now, correct me if I’m wrong…

rebel daisy: you are.

INTERVIEWER (clearing throat, slightly thrown): I was going to say that I believe you have to be at least 35 to hold office as president of the United States. 

rebel daisy: that’s in human years, not daisy years. in daisy years, i’m 42. 

INTERVIEWER: I see. So then you feel you have an edge being so much younger than the current candidates. 

rebel daisy: i do now. 

INTERVIEWER: Meaning?

rebel daisy: well, i’ll be 96 at the end of those four years. but i believe in staying in the present, you see. i’m something of a buddhist.

INTERVIEWER (leaning back, wide-eyed): Whoa! Be careful making statements like that. A lot of American voters would be turned off by your being a self-proclaimed Buddhist. 

rebel daisy: what do I care about them? a lot of american voters would be turned off by my ability to count all the way to a hundred. or by my not being a human. or by my not being the human version of a rabid tasmanian devil hell-bent on destroying democracy. (waves his stalks) i don’t worry about such things. my flower intuition – which is nearly always correct – tells me they’re all going to be taken up in the rapture of 2026. so i just have to deal with them for that first year and a half. or, well, 24 years in daisy years.

INTERVIEWER (confused and perplexed): I have to say that I’m having a hard time understanding the conversion of human years to daisy years…

rebel daisy (holding up leafy end of stalk): it’s not for you to understand. 

INTERVIEWER: And what’s this you’re saying about having an intuition about the Rapture? 

rebel daisy: again, nothing for you to worry about. look, here’s the deal. you just have to let go and trust me here. it’s time for a change. and i’m that change. i’m not ancient. i speak my mind. and while i’m far from an elite, i’m not a moron either. yes, i will require some sunlight each day. but that’s not anything that can’t be fixed by relocating the white house to the hawaiian island of molokai. and when my constituents tell me i’m full of shit, i’ll agree. because if i’ve been properly fertilized, they’ll be right. how many politicians can you say that about? 

INTERVIEWER: Um, I can’t think of any offhand. 

rebel daisy (pointing to interviewer and winking): exactly.

INTERVIEWER: Well, it sounds like you have your work cut out for you…

rebel daisy: not really.

INTERVIEWER: … I’m wondering if you have time for one more question? 

rebel daisy: shoot.

INTERVIEWER: Crunchy or puffed Cheetos?

rebel daisy (thoughtful): that’s probably the greatest and hardest driving question you’ve asked today. 

INTERVIEWER: Thanks so much. 

rebel daisy: and here’s my answer. the puffed makes for a good pool noodle, but the crunchy is an effective one-flower battering ram. it all depends on the day and the situation.

INTERVIEWER (cocking head and pondering): Depends on the day and the situation. You should be running on that platform. 

rebel daisy (jumping down from his chair): oh, i already am. that’s what flower power is all about. (smiling slyly) see you on molokai in 2025. i promise. it’s going to be a great 54 years…

#27 – The Capriciousness of Cartoon Flowers 

rebel daisy sits thoughtfully on a rock, composes himself, and begins to pen an angrily worded letter to the National Biscuit Company to… 

“Can we just say Nabisco?” rebel daisy stops me mid-sentence. “National Biscuit Company sounds so… highfalutin. Affected.” 

“Yeah, okay,” I say.

“And lose all the ‘sitting thoughtfully on a rock’ nonsense. What does that even mean?”

I sigh. “I’m trying to set the mood.”

“Well, it’s putting me in a bad mood. So if that’s the mood you’re trying to set, then well done.”

“Fine,” I roll my eyes. 

rebel daisy stands on a piece of paper and begins to pen an angrily worded letter to Nabisco. 

“Is that better?”

“Yes,” he says. “Carry on. I’m dying to hear what happens next.”

I stare at him for a moment – trying to remember what my life was like before this psychotic eight-inch tall flower sporting jeans and army boots marched into my consciousness. I wasn’t even doing drugs.

“Wow. Is that how you see me?” he says propping up his pen, leaning slightly into it, and staring up at me, blinking. “As a psychotic eight-inch tall flower?”

“If the army boot fits…,” I say.

“Ha! Clever,” he laughs, then scratches his pollen-speckled head with the sharp-tipped fronds of his leafy fingers. “It doesn’t lend much to the story though.”

“Can I just continue?” I ask, exasperated. “Please?” 

“Why are you asking me?” rebel daisy shrugs, carefully hoists the pen back up over his narrow shoulder, and begins writing his letter again. “I mean, you’re the author,” he says. “I’m just the talent. Though some might argue there’s no story without the talent,” he pauses. “Most would argue that, actually…”  

ANYHOW, rebel daisy is writing said letter to Nabisco because he is upset that they will not honor his request to make a special edition rebel daisy Oreo cookie. They were concerned that his plan for the cookie would be ‘too cost-prohibitive.’ Furthermore, it would ‘deny the laws of physics.’ In the schematic that rebel daisy sent, there is no actual cookie. It’s merely the white stuffing carved out into the shape of a daisy flower. His face is drawn in the center which is dyed yellow. 

“Seems completely feasible to me,” rebel daisy interrupts, dragging the pen across the paper. He’s just putting some flourish on the n in the word ‘moron.’ 

“Well, first of all, just the stuffing isn’t technically a cookie.”

rebel daisy looks over his shoulder at me. “I can’t be bothered with technicalities.”

“And,” I add, “you insisted that each so-called cookie have an operational mouth. I think that might be the bigger issue they’re logicistally struggling with.”

“I’m not willing to bend on that one,” he says, beginning to compose the word ‘genius.’ “It can’t possibly be that difficult.”

“Maybe not in your little buttery head,” I say, frustrated.

“I see no need to be diminutive,” he says, looking back over his shoulder at me. “Plus, it doesn’t become you.”

SO ANYWAYS, rebel daisy is penning this letter to Nabisco when his dear friend Sturmund Drang enters the room. 

“Hi Sturmund!” rebel daisy calls out.

“Greetings,” Sturmund responds in a weary voice that would indicate he carries the weight of the world. 

Sturmund is a small sunflower with a particularly dower disposition – which honors his family’s longstanding German heritage. His attire is a yellow raincoat with matching rain hat and rain boots. He carries an umbrella with him at all times because one can never be too prepared. When Sturmund sloshed into my consciousness about a year after rebel daisy did, I was tickled by his presence. 

“He was my friend first,” rebel daisy interrupts again. 

“Yes, he was,” I say to appease him.

“I’m standing right here.”

AT ANY RATE, when Sturmund introduced himself, I was taken by his name – immediately recognizing it as a merging of the words Sturm und Drang which was, as everyone knows, the late 18th-century literary and artistic movement in Germany influenced by Jean-Jacques Rousseau and characterized by the expression of emotional unrest. 

“It was?” rebel daisy breaks in once again.

“Yep,” I respond, excitedly. “And I love the idea of a sunflower, an iconic symbol of warmth and brightness, having a name that translates to mean storm and stress. It’s wonderfully ironic!”

“Hmmmm,” he lays down his pen and stretches. “I just think it’s weird. Makes me wonder about his parents. But enough about Sturmund. Let’s get this story back on track and start focusing once again on my heroic efforts to be immortalized by Nabisco.”

“You really think heroic is the word?”

“Not enough?” rebel daisy ponders. “Magnanimous maybe?”

“I think magnanimous is accurate,” says Sturmund in a nasal voice. He blows his nose. “I can’t make any sense of why Nabisco would pass up this opportunity. It’s pure folly.”

“Right?” rebel daisy shouts, fired up now and rearin’ to get back to his letter writing. “Magnanimous it is then.”

rebel daisy sets the pen to paper, but then just stands there. “How do you spell it?” he asks sheepishly.

Sturmund shrugs. “I only know how to spell it in German.”

“German?” rebel daisy ponders again, placing his verdant hand to his yellow chin. “Hmmmmm. That could work. It appeals to my rebellious nature. Okay. Go ahead and spell it in German.”

At this point, I’m just standing off to the side and patiently, I might add, watching their antics. I no longer remember where I was going with this story anyhow.

“G-R-O-Eszett,” Sturmund begins.

“Wait,” rebel daisy stops. “What?”

“Eszett,” Sturmund repeats himself calmly then sniffles. 

“What the hell does that mean?!” rebel daisy, by contrast, hollers.

“It’s a letter in the German alphabet that looks like a B but sounds like an S. Eszett.”

“That’s ridiculous,” rebel daisy says, shaking his head and mumbling, “Germans,” under his breath.

Undeterred, Sturmund walks over to rebel daisy and extends his willowy dark green arms so that rebel daisy will hand him the pen. “Here. I’ll show you.” And he carefully writes out the word ‘Großmütig’. “That right there is German for magnanimous.”

“No,” rebel daisy responds.

“Yes,” Sturmund points. “That’s it.”

“No, I mean I don’t like it!” rebel daisy stomps his boot on the word. “It doesn’t look magnanimous at all!”

Sturmund stares down at the word but says nothing.

“Erase it immediately!” 

“I’ll do no such thing,” Sturmund says, stoic and indignant so as to, once again, not betray his German heritage. “Furthermore, I cannot erase pen ink.”

“I’ll tell you what you can erase,” rebel daisy shouts, his petals shaking. “Our friendship!” 

I’ve had enough. I begin to meagerly slink away and attempt to escape this flagrant display of floral decrepitude. I tiptoe to the kitchen to have an Oreo. A real one with actual cookies. And without an operational mouth. As it should be. 

“I heard that,” says rebel daisy. “Because I’m still right here.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “Yes,” I think, sinking my teeth into the cookie and the stuffing. “He’s always right here.”