Monthly Archives: February 2024

#25 – Sand Castles for Sea Turtles

Daisy and Max sit at the burnished oak table in the breakfast nook where they’ve convened nearly every morning for the past six years. Just like every other preceding morning, the booth seats creak beneath them as if to complain of their aching joints that they don’t actually possess. And their neighbor’s dog howls the same eerie song he did the day before, and the day before that, and the day before. Even so, something about this morning is different. They both sense it.

“I think it might be working,” Daisy says, glancing at Max over her large coffee mug which is filled to the brim with Earl Grey tea. The citrusy bergamot scent stirs her imagination – which until recently has fallen dormant. She’s surprised. Though not entirely.

Max nods in agreement as she sips on her beverage of choice – Turkish coffee. She drinks from a large mug too. In her case, however, the coffee coats only the bottom of the mug with an inch of black sludge. She also feels a stirring she hasn’t in a very long time. It’s glittery. And magical. 

The coffee mugs were a Christmas/Hanukkah gift from Daisy’s daughter, Heather. They are sturdy vessels that widen at the bottom so as not to tip over easily. 

Not unlike Heather, Max thinks to herself. 

Each mug has a saying. “I’m sorry for what I said before I had my coffee” blazons Daisy’s vessel. This is ironic, if not short-sighted, given that Daisy rarely drinks coffee. Meanwhile, Max’s mug states, “My java lets me espresso myself,” a saying which makes Max cringe and roll her eyes every time she pulls it down from the cupboard. When Heather bought these mugs for them last year, she thought they were “so clever and so funny!” Heather means well, Max reminds herself. Again.

Daisy and Max only use Heather’s mugs when their favorite beverage containers are in the dishwasher. And this morning, they are. The truth is, Daisy doesn’t much care for sayings on her drinkware. It’s a point about which she’s been emphatic in the past. She much prefers her hand-painted clay mug with the bright floral pattern that she got when she was in Oaxaca. Or the handmade ceramic cup emboldened with whimsical swirling geometric shapes in a variety of colors which her husband (and Heather’s father) brought back from India in 1974. Max, by contrast, IS a fan of drinkware verbiage. The problem is, her sense of humor is more subversive than Heather’s. As such, she leans into sentiments more along the line of, “Shhhhh… No one cares”, or “Because fuck you, that’s why.” She gives Heather credit for trying though.  

“Sienna said if we stayed committed to the practice, this would happen,” says Daisy, taking the spoon from her tea. She lifts it in the air and looks at the concave reflection of the rising sun outside the window. She smiles as she imagines shimmying about that impossibly inverted image.

“It makes sense we might start getting somewhere with it by now,” Max says, leaning back into her chair. The dishwasher purrs and whirs as it completes its rinse cycle. “I thought it was bullshit at first,” Max shakes her head. “I really did.”

“I know you did,” Daisy says, turning to glance out the window at the dog next door. She waves to him. “I’ll admit now,” she says turning back to Max, “I was skeptical.” She looks over at the dishwasher and suddenly imagines a world of small and colorful beings inside scrubbing away, singing, and dancing. Little beings that could only exist in the darkness of the closed door of the dishwasher and that would employ their secret safety cloak of invisibility when the door opened. It feels entirely feasible.

At that same moment, Max bolts up, goes to the cookie jar, grabs a handful of cookies, and crushes them into her Turkish coffee. She then proceeds to eat her coffee cookie sludge with Daisy’s otherworldly spoon. 

Daisy, who thinks nothing of Max’s action, smiles at her with wide eyes. “Good?”

“Amazing!” Max laughs. “All these years I’ve always been such a coffee purist. Look at what I was missing.”

Daisy nods. “I just had this vision of little people in there,” Daisy points to the dishwasher.

“Huh?”

“Little people in there. In the dishwasher. They’re invisible to us but they clean our dishes.”

“Hmmmmm. Could be.” Max also turns to look out the window and notices the neighbor’s dog. She snaps her fingers and looks back at Daisy. “I bet they have pets.”

“Yes!” Daisy leans back and claps her hands. “Yes! Little tiny dogs and cats.”

“And tortoises! Little tiny tortoises,” Max squeals, then with a very serious look leans into Daisy and says, “I’ve always wanted a tortoise.” 

Daisy cocks her head to the side, purses her lips, then pulls them to the side. “They live a really long time though,” she says thoughtfully. “So maybe not the best idea.”

Max ponders. “I could get one that’s already 120 years old.”

Daisy raises her eyebrows and points to Max. “THAT could be our quest for the day!” She giggles. 

Just at the moment, Heather walks into the kitchen. “Good morning! I hope I’m not interrupting. I’m dropping off those coloring books you were asking about, Mom,” she says, plunking them down on the oak table. “You said they were for the kids at the daycare down the street.”

“No interruption, darling,” Daisy says, kissing Heather on the forehead, then turning to Max with a knowing look. “Max and I were just talking about what we should do with our day.”

“Oh! I see you’re using the mugs I got you!” Heather smiles and then begins laughing. “Espresso yourself. That’s classic.”

Max smiles politely. 

“Hey,” Heather says. “If you’re heading to the senior center, I can drop you off there.”

“No, thank you, we’re going to…” Daisy begins and just as she’s about to share their plan, Max shoots her a glance. It advises against her giving her daughter any more information. Because Heather would likely deem their plan to pursue an ancient tortoise in Southern Florida as insanity, head straight home, and begin to search out ‘facilities’ for them. She wouldn’t understand. Most people wouldn’t understand. Or even believe it. 

A few months ago, Daisy and Max had not believed it themselves when they met Sienna who told them that there was a method, a practice that would infuse them with the magic of childhood again. It didn’t involve drugs or require them to do anything against their will. She promised them that the practice was deceptively simple and that absolutely everybody could do it. The most difficult thing to achieve was the ability to believe in it. That was where the practice came in. Once that was established, the rest would fall into place. Yes, she sounded like a crazy woman.

“On second thought,” Daisy says, “perhaps we’ll take that ride to the senior center after all.”

“Good plan,” says Max. “Then we can pick up the center’s bus to the beach.”

“Oooh! The beach!” Daisy yells excitedly. Heather, squinting her eyes and furrowing her brow, regards her mother suspiciously. Daisy clears her throat and gathers herself. “Yes. The beach sounds like a nice idea.”

“Oooooookay,” Heather, suspicion still etched on her face, looks over at Max, then back at her mother. Her face softens. “Great. We can go whenever you’re ready.”

“We’re just about ready,” Daisy says, ushering Heather out of the kitchen and toward the door. “We just need to gather a few essentials and we’ll be right out.” She returns to the kitchen with a big smile. “Know what we could do at the beach?”

“I’m guessing that looking for a 120-year-old tortoise there is off the table,” Max says,

“Afraid so,” Daisy says. “But we could build a sand castle.”

Max’s eyes brighten. “And maybe we’ll see some sea turtles!” she says excitedly. “And the castle we build could be a safe haven for the little ones that are going to hatch soon. You know? Because they have to make that long trek to the ocean?”

Daisy smiles. “Love it.”

A look of concern crosses Max’s face.

“What?”

“It’s been a long time since I built a sand castle,” she says. “I mean, a really long time.”

Daisy smiles at her.

“What if I don’t know how to do it anymore?”

“Let’s just see what happens, yeah?” Daisy says, gently taking Max’s hand as they start walking through a cloud of fairy dust toward Heather’s car. “Because I’m just feeling like anything is possible.”

“Anything?”

“Anything at all.”

#24 – Today, I Have Nothing

Today, I have cobalt sadness and persimmon anxiety. 

I have clunky depression and prickly frustration.

I have nagging dull pain and odd fluttering sensations.

I have no uplifting energy, yet no ability to surrender to delicious relaxation.

I have regrets about crooked missteps. 

I have a colorful history of crooked missteps.

I have wavering hearing loss in one ear that goes in and out like my breath. 

Yet, I do have my breath. 

And I have moments of sweet release.

I have the chance to soak in the buttery sunlight pouring through my window.

I have cats with endearing expressions and impossibly soft fur. 

I have a husband with these same qualities, except he has hair. 

I have seen the first orange-breasted robin of spring. 

Actually, I have seen the first ten of them.

(I have to remind myself, it’s not a competition.) 

I have a tribe, though small, that gets me.

And I have to admit, that’s HUGE.  

Still, today it feels a lot like I have nothing.

And sometimes that’s just what I have to feel for a little while. 

So I have given myself… permission. 

#23 – Bedtime Stories for Blossoming Psycho- and Sociopaths

(gentle, soothing, and calm music plays)

WILLOW: Welcome to the third installment of our bedtime stories podcast, Catch Your Zs. We’re so happy to have you. My name is Willow and beside me is my lovely co-host, TS. 

TS: Good evening, Willow. 

WILLOW: I see you’ve brought me my favorite tea. 

TS: I have. We’re learning each other, right? 

WILLOW: We sure are! TS and I are new to this whole podcast thing. And kinda new to each other.

TS: We are. So how are you this fine evening, Willow?

WILLOW: Splendid. Just terrific. And you?

TS: Well, if I’m truthful, I’m going through a little identity crisis. Feeling like I need to get back to my roots. 

WILLOW: Oh yeah?

TS: Mmmm-hm. So I’m asking people I know to start addressing me by my full birth name. Just trying that on, ya know?

WILLOW: Wow. (pauses, sound of sipping tea) You know, I’m ashamed to say it but I don’t think I know what TS stands for.

TS: That’s okay. We haven’t known each other that long.

WILLOW: Even so. I can imagine it’s probably something poetic though?

TS: Traffic Stop.

WILLOW: Excuse me? 

TRAFFIC STOP: Traffic Stop.

WILLOW: Traffic Stop?

TRAFFIC STOP: That’s right, Willow. Traffic Stop.

WILLOW: Hmmmmm.

TRAFFIC STOP: Each of us has a conception story.

WILLOW: Yes, that’s true.

TRAFFIC STOP: Like Jesus.

WILLOW (clearing throat): Except I’m assuming yours wasn’t exactly like Jesus’s.

TRAFFIC STOP: Not really. I mean, I was there, but I don’t remember it.

WILLOW (sipping tea and laughing): It sounds like yours may have involved a red light. 

TRAFFIC STOP: Actually, my parents had been pulled over. 

WILLOW: Oh.

TRAFFIC STOP: By the police.

WILLOW: I see. (sips his tea)

TRAFFIC STOP: For fleeing a murder scene. 

(prolonged silence)

TRAFFIC STOP: It’s a long story. And not particularly interesting. But you know what is interesting? 

WILLOW: What’s that, TS? Sorry. I mean, Traffic Stop?

TRAFFIC STOP: Tonight’s bedtime story. 

WILLOW: Well, I sure hope so. But not so interesting that our listeners will be kept awake! (laughing)

TRAFFIC STOP: I don’t think there’s any worry of that happening. So last week, we geared our story for the young lawyers in our audience. But tonight, the story I’ve crafted is specifically for the blossoming psycho- or sociopaths out there.

WILLOW (jokingly): One could argue there is some overlap between this week’s and last week’s audience then. Am I right? 

TRAFFIC STOP (deadpan): Perhaps. Though psycho- and sociopaths are really a different breed.

WILLOW (pausing): So, wait. You’re serious?

TRAFFIC STOP: Dead serious.

WILLOW: Just a quick question, (sound of long sip of tea) If I may?

TRAFFIC STOP: Shoot.

WILLOW: Why psycho- and sociopaths? I mean, no offense, but shouldn’t we be gearing these stories to the children who will eventually become valuable members of society?

TRAFFIC STOP: Because honestly, Willow, the way I see it, every child needs love. Even if they’re going to take this said love and use it as a justifiable excuse for dismembering a small animal.

WILLOW: I suppose you have a point, (pause) albeit a weird one. At the very least, they’re likely to be more valuable than social media influencers. 

TRAFFIC STOP: Agreed. So everyone sit back and enjoy this week’s edition of bedtime stories. Tonight’s story will be read by my younger brother who is currently working on his degree in communications.

WILLOW (unconvincingly): Terrific. 

TRAFFIC STOP: He hopes to someday become a game show announcer. 

WILLOW: Hmmmmm.

TRAFFIC STOP: Take it away, Meat Locker. (sound of Willow spitting out his tea)

MEAT LOCKER (in exaggerated game show announcer voice): Thanks, sister! I hope everyone’s having a fantastic night out there as we get ready for this night’s installment of BED. TIME. STORIES!!!

WILLOW (clearing throat): Excuse me, Meat Locker… was it?

MEAT LOCKER: Thaaaaaaat’s right, Willow! 

WILLOW: Okay. Alright. I’m gonna just pause the recording here for a minute. (turns off recording)

Willow leans in toward Traffic Stop. “Hey, can we have a word in private?” he says, running his fingers through what’s left of his thinning hair. 

“Of course,” she responds.

Willow and Traffic Stop get up from their chairs and go to a darkened corner of the makeshift space they call a studio. In reality, it’s the back of a decades-old deli where Traffic Stop works during the day.

“Look,” Willow whispers. “I don’t mean any disrespect to your brother, but I kinda wish you’d cleared this with me first.”

Traffic Stop cocks her head and regards him with a steely glance. “I wasn’t aware that I had to get your permission.”

“Oh, no. Don’t misunderstand. This is a partnership. All the way. But I just don’t think that… Meat Locker,” he clears his throat, stumbling on her brother’s name, “is exactly the right voice for this particular story.”

“And why not?” 

“Why not!?” Willow gasps. “Did you hear him? He sounds like Johnny Gilbert from Jeopardy! And again, no disrespect to Johnny either. I mean, the guy’s a legend. He’s a highly trained professional.”

“What’s your point, Willow?”

“He’s just not who I’d choose to read a bedtime story.”

“No?” she pierces him further with her cold glance. It’s a side of her that he hasn’t previously witnessed. He passes it off as her being a bad mood.

“Just who did you think was going to read it then?”

“Well, you,” he says. “You’ve been reading them the past two weeks and doing a damn good job of it. Your calming voice has become our trademark.”

“Do you mean that?” Traffic Stop says, quickly turning on a dime and transforming her cold stare into one of adoration.

Willow feels slightly alarmed by her sudden shift in demeanor. “Of course I do.”

She continues to smile warmly at him and he feels a little ashamed for thinking she was a bad mood a few moments before. “Ya know, I gotta ask,” he says, leaning toward her. “Meat Locker?”

She’s still staring at him adoringly, but now there is a glassy look in her eyes.

“So is that another conception story? In a meat locker? Because your parents sound pretty kinky.”

Traffic Stop coils a lock of her hair around her finger and starts twisting it. “No. Not a conception story,” she says in a dreamy voice. “But you know that already, Daddy.”

For a second he thinks she’s kidding. Then he realizes she’s serious. “What’s going on, TS?” he says, accidentally slipping back to her old name – a slip of tongue he immediately regrets. 

“You know my name, Daddy,” she says, the anger returning to her face. 

Willow begins to feel hot. And dizzy. “I’m feeling a little strange. I think I need to sit down,” he says, lowering himself into a chair at one of the tables.

“That sounds about right,” Traffic Stop glances at her watch. “The tea must be kicking in now.”

“Kicking in?”

She smiles again. This time in a devilish way. “You don’t have much time left.” 

His heart begins to race and he grips the table to try to stand up. But he can’t seem to move. He slumps to the floor; unable to speak. 

“Hush now, Daddy,” she says in her trademark soothing bedtime story voice. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

Willow stares up at her with terror in his eyes.

“And don’t you worry. We’ll keep you safe and sound for the night in the meat locker,” she gently rubs the side of his face and her brother peers out over her shoulder at him. “Which, in response to your inquiry earlier, is how my brother got his name,” she says. “Isn’t that right?”

“Thaaaaaaaaat’s right, Traffic Stop!” Meat Locker says in his announcer voice, laughing. “Have a terrific night, Willow!” 

“Nighty night,” Traffic Stop kisses Willow gently on the forehead. 

FADE TO BLACK