Monthly Archives: September 2024

#2 – What If the Sky Were Red?

“What if the sky was red?” Molly asks.

“Like blood?”

She twists her face as though she’s just tasted a lemon. Or a dill pickle. “I was thinking more like a flower.”

“Ah,” I say, squinting my eyes against the gooey warm light of the honeyed summer sun. It’s only 9am and it’s gotta be close to 85 degrees already. “Like a rose then?” 

She nods vigorously, wiping away a few strands of hair that hang limp on her brown freckled face.

“Maybe it is,” I say. 

“It’s not,” she responds with that brand of certainty possessed only by people under the age of six. And sociopaths. “Look at it. It’s BLUE.”

“Is it though?” I say, leaning back against the tree under which we decided to have our picnic breakfast. (Her idea.)

She stares at me, then rolls her eyes. “You’re just being silly. It’s blue.”

“But what if what I see as red is what you see as blue?”

This gives her pause. She picks a blade of grass and studies it intently. She gazes back up at me. “No.”

I’m surprised at this response. She usually entertains whimsy. Welcomes it into her arms like a gaggle of puppies.

“No?”

She shakes her head with the same vigor with which she nodded it previously. Several strands stick again to her sweaty cheeks. She wipes them away as a cicada begins its song in a neighboring tree. It’s a brand of music that always leaves me a little on edge. 

“Just like that, huh? Just plain no?” 

“Yep,” she sighs. “Because it doesn’t make sense.”

“That I might see blue where you see red?”

“Not unless your eyes are broken.”

“Or yours are,” I counter.

She laughs. “My eyes can’t be broken because my eyes are new,” she crosses them and points to them, “and yours are ooooooooold.”

I cock a brow and give her half a smile. Then I pick a blade of grass and study it as she did. “What do you see when you look at a blade of grass?”

“Huh?” she looks at me with an expression I don’t recognize.

“You were looking at a blade of grass before,” I say. “What did you see?”

“Why? Do you think it’s purple or something?”

I shake my head. “I think it’s green.”

“Good.”

“At least my version of green,” I add. She lets out an exasperated sigh. “But just stick with me a second. What did you see?”

“I saw a piece of grass.”

“Okay. Now, what if you were a ladybug on the blade of grass. What would you see?”

She shrugs. “How am I supposed to know? I’m not a ladybug, am I?”

“You are not,” I confirm. “But do you think a ladybug sees the same thing that you do?”

“No,” she says definitively, picking at her favorite muffin we grabbed at the café on the way here. A crumb falls to the earth. An ant scurries by my left foot and I suspect that he or she is heading to its brethren to report the presence of baked goods so they can organize.  

“So what do you think then?”

“I think this is stupid,” she says and tosses a piece of the muffin off to her right. An aggressive blue jay (a redundancy, I know) swoops down from the deep green canopy of a catalpa tree and snatches it with a victorious war cry; as if to mock everyone else who missed the opportunity.

“I think,” I offer, not that she asked, “that the ladybug sees a long smooth runway that it can take flight from. Like an airplane.”

“Okay,” Molly looks up at the sky. “And is it green?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know how a ladybug sees.”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s what I said.”

It’s not what she said though. Not exactly.

“I’m bored and I’m hot,” Molly says through a yawn, which I try not to find annoying – given that it was her idea to come to the park on this sticky morning.

“Okay. So what do you want to do then?” I ask. She’s obviously not into our ‘what if’ game today. I smile thinking about some of the scenarios that have spilled so effortlessly from her imagination over the past two years during our times here. And I try to tell myself that it’s just the heat getting to her today because I don’t want to admit that we’re heading down a certain path. One that I recognize as I’ve traveled it twice before.

“I want to go home. There’s nothing to do,” she whines. Molly tosses the rest of her uneaten muffin into the baseball field and watches it get devoured by a mass of squawking seagulls who are easily twenty miles from the closest body of water. I catch a fleeting little girl delight in her smile and her eyes. It quickly fades.

“You don’t want to go over to the pond and see if the tadpoles have grown? Turned into big old gnarly bullfrogs?” I laugh.

She smiles and ponders this for a moment, but then responds with a rather uncommitted, “Not really,” as though she’s trying it on for size. 

I nod. “Okay. We can go home,” I say with some resignation. “If that’s what you want to do.”

“I do,” she says, standing up.

I don’t know if she picks up on my disappointment. It was not my intention, but she’s always been more empathic than her brothers. She comes over and nudges me gently on the arm. “So…” she begins.

I look at her quizzically. “So…?” I respond.

“So, what if the sky was red?” she repeats, pointing to the sky, trailing a half circle with her finger. “All the way acrost?” My heart stirs at the mispronunciation of the word – which I don’t dare correct. Life and the inevitable shedding of childhood will see to that. 

#1 – What If Pigs Could Fly?

A ridiculously adorable sugar glider. We’ll call him Hendrick the Evil.

Would it be so extraordinary for a pig to fly? They wouldn’t be the first mammal to do it. Bats cornered the market on that one. Then there’s the petaurus. You may know it better as a sugar glider. Or you may not know it at all. But the petaurus, as the name implies, doesn’t so much fly as glide.

So maybe a flying pig would be extraordinary.

Consider the pig’s poop, for instance. It’s most certainly larger than that of a goose, a turkey vulture, or even the exceedingly wide-wing-spanned albatross. Thus, the incidence of more sizable excrement droppings on sidewalks, vehicles, and statues (formerly the pigeon’s domain) would certainly be of some concern. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. In which case, you should seek some help.

Then there’s the issue of the pig’s appetite. Those guys (and gals, to be fair) love to nosh. Case in point? If you consume an entire pizza followed by an entire birthday cake, nobody will accuse you of being a titmouse – though it’s one of the funnier named animals for those with a penchant for juvenile humor. No, they will accuse you of being a pig. Because pigs. Like. To. Eat. Which brings us back to the excrement issue. It’s one thing to avoid the wormy droppings of the majestic cardinal. In fact, it’s almost an honor. Such a pretty bird. It’s another thing altogether to dodge a meaty shit grenade speckled with corn, roofing tiles, and peanut butter M&Ms. It’s a chilling notion. 

Now, perhaps you’re the (annoyingly) optimistic type. You may think, “Hey! I like pigs! I think it would be downright delightful to witness pigs flitting about in the sky with their cute pink bodies and cartoonish noses.” And while that IS an arguably delightful image, imagine the horror you would experience when people start shooting pigs out of the sky because bacon and pulled pork are now hunted meats. How do you like your flying pigs now, optimists!? 

Even dipped in butter, this kitten is not delicious.

Okay. The reality is that nobody would be shooting flying pigs out of the sky because no one would continue to advocate for pork, bacon, or any other pig meat to be considered its own food group. With their new ability to fly, their muscles would become as lean and sinewy as a supermodel’s. Or a cat’s. And despite what you’ve heard reported as truth by certain news media outlets lately, nobody wants to eat cats.

So for now, it’s probably best that the pig stays earthbound. Because, let’s face it, an LT isn’t much of a sandwich. 

#52 – Shifting Gears

They say that every story must have a villain. 

It could be anyone. A selfish robber baron billionaire seeking world domination, a scorned mistress bent on revenge, a demon-possessed child in need of an exorcism. These same three figures could just as easily be the hero in another story though; proving that villainy is fluid. 

As further proof of its fluidity, the villain could be a thing. A rabid dog terrorizing a neighborhood, a too-narrow road that spits cars and trucks from its unguarded peripheries, a quick-moving flood/fire/storm that destroys a village. Then again, the vast majority of villainous ‘things’ are nothing more than the result of human behavior. The dog lacking the care it requires, the road a needless and gross oversight, the flood/fire/storm an unheeded call/cry/warning from the earth.  

The villain certainly makes the story more interesting though. It gives the reader or viewer someone against whom to root. Perhaps even hate. If the reader is a psycho/sociopath, however, it gives him or her someone for whom to cheer. Perhaps even love. And couldn’t this world use a little more love?  

So then what is a villain? 

It’s obviously not that black and white. (Ironic use of metaphor, given that black is usually the villain or dark force, and white represents the hero and the light. I’m certain the slaves in Africa, the Indians being colonized, and the indigenous/First Nations people of North and South America would have begged to differ.) Because NOTHING is ever that black and white. Or more appropriately, that white and black. 

It’s safe to say that, whether your actions were intentional or mindless, you’ve been the villain. At one time or another. Maybe even right now. Because even the most self-aware among us slip up sometimes. Not to mention the staggering number of those of us with no self-awareness. And yes, it’s all too easy to see the sheer number of folks claiming to be victims in the stories where they’re actually the villains. Many of them are victimizing themselves. 

Life is nutty. And I don’t have the answers. Not a single one. 

But here at week #52, the official one-year point of my Extraordinarily Brief Stories for the Attention-Span Challenged, I am shifting gears. Starting next week, the theme will be ‘What If.’ I’m not sure yet what that means. I’m hoping to spin some once again short tales that are a little more imaginative, thought-provoking, and that force me to change the lens of how I (and maybe you?) look at the world. We’ll see what happens. And I welcome you to offer me your own ‘what if’ questions – no matter how weird or unimaginable. I could use the fodder. 

As for the 52 creatures that were born from me this year, I hope to further nurture, teach, and raise some of them into something more substantial. So if you’re among the (precious few) readers who stuck with me this past year, thank you so very much. And stay tuned. 

I hope you’ll stay on board for the next installment.